The Style Invitational Week 928 Questionable cinema
By Pat Myers, Friday, July 15, 2:00 PM
Answer: Airplane!
Question: What is the last thing you
want to hear when making love on what you thought was a deserted runway?
(Jennifer Hart)
A. Duck Soup.
Q. What is good advice for a food fight?
(David Genser)
The Empress found this
contest from 11 years ago while perusing a new online master list of all 928
Style Invitational contests, dating back to 1993, that was prepared entirely as
a labor of love (or madness) by Proto-Loser Elden Carnahan of Laurel, who also
has maintained elaborate statistics on ink accumulated by all 4,000-plus people
who’ve had their name mentioned in the Invite. This week: Use the title of a
movie as the answer to a riddle or other question, as in the examples above
from Week XXX (we used Roman numerals for a while). You can see the rest of
those winners here.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins a pretty notepad and
daybook made of genuine Chinese panda poo paper (lots of bamboo fiber in that).
It’d be far too nice for an Invite prize were it not for the raw materials.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a
smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail
entries to losers @ washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday,
July 25; results published Aug. 14 (Aug. 12 online). Include “Week 928” in your
e-mail subject line, or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name,
postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and
guidelines at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next
week’s results is by Dixon Wragg; this week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by
Kevin Dopart.
Visit the online discussion
group The Style Conversational, where the Empress discusses today’s new contest
and results along with news about the Loser Community — and you can vote for
your favorite among the inking entries. If you’d like an e-mail notification
each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted online, write to
the Empress at losers @ washpost.com (note that in the subject line) and she’ll
add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the lively group Style
Invitational Devotees and chime in.
Report from Week 924, in which we asked for bogus historical trivia, another in our series
of “fictoid” contests. We expect these entries to appear shortly on Internet
lists of “answers from actual high school history tests.” Or maybe in history
books.
The winner of the Inker:
Susan B. Anthony’s middle
name was Barbie. ( Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
2 Winner of the dorky card
game featuring photos of halves of people: William Howard Taft hated Theodore
Roosevelt so much that, just to spite him, he spoke loudly and carried a twig.
(Kathye Hamilton, Annandale, Va.)
3 Ponce de Leon did actually
find what he was searching for in his explorations; he is currently living
quietly in Hialeah, Fla., under the name Ramon Rodriguez. (Edward Gordon,
Austin)
4 George Washington also had
a wooden pancreas. (Mike Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)
Near myths: Honorable mentions
You know how the stone
changes color partway up the Washington Monument? That’s the water mark from
the Great Flood of 1911. (Kathye Hamilton; Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.)
The footage of the first moon
landing was filmed in a Hollywood studio, but only because astronaut Buzz
Aldrin forgot to remove the lens cap during the real event. (Jason Russo,
Annandale, Va.)
The replica of the Statue of
Liberty that was installed in Paris in 1889 had visible underarm hair. (Kevin
Dopart, Washington)
John Hancock sold insurance
to 21 of the 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence; unfortunately, they
neglected to read the clause voiding payouts in the event of revolution. (John
McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)
As a community organizer in
the Windy City, young Barack Obama walked down eight roads before someone
called him a man. (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)
Gen. Ambrose Burnside was
aided greatly in Civil War planning by his largely forgotten assistant, Col.
Wendell Soulpatch. (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)
“Jingle Bells” was written to
commemorate Paul Revere’s ride. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)
The Chinese emperor
Hsian-T’ung abdicated after he was found to have mailed etchings of his royal
junk. (Larry Yungk, Arlington, Va.)
The actual Dr. Pepper was not
really a doctor; he just had a master’s degree. That’s why, legally, they can’t
put a period after the “Dr” on the bottles and cans. (Russell Beland, Fairfax,
Va.)
Due to a miscommunication,
the Aztecs didn’t realize that their war god Huitzilopochtli was actually a
vegetarian. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
Walter Johnson, the great
pitcher for the Washington Senators, once threw the rosin bag for a strike in a
game against the Yankees. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
It’s not true after all that
the toilet was invented by Thomas Crapper. It was invented 30 years earlier by
Parker Heine. (The Post’s Gene Weingarten, who’d entered under a pseudonym)
George Washington’s wooden
teeth were made from the cherry tree he chopped down. (Tom Witte, Montgomery
Village; Susan Geariety, Menifee, Calif.)
In homage to the Britons who
lost their lives on the Titanic, English pub owners united in a pledge to never
again serve ice in their drinks. (Tom Barnidge, Concord, Calif., a First
Offender)
Archimedes designed
the first vacuum cleaner. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
During his quest through
Africa, Henry Stanley used his line “Dr. Livingstone, I presume” on three other
white men before finding the correct person. (John Shea, Philadelphia)
Ironically, President
Garfield was allergic to cats. (Allie Kay, Vienna, Va., a First Offender
In 1271, Marco Polo brought
back from Asia several colorful shirts embroidered with little dragons on the
chest. (Kevin Dopart)
Roy Rogers’s horse, first
known as Omaha, was the winner of the 1935 Triple Crown. His name was changed
to Trigger because the studio wanted moviegoers to associate the horse with the
Wild West, not Nebraska. (Patrick Mattimore, Beijing)
The incompatibility between a
square peg and a round hole was first noted in 1925 during the difficult birth
of Margaret Thatcher. (Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)
Next week: A remeaning task, or Smart-Alexicon